Ahoy there ye unarmed merchant!   Now prepare to be boarded and yer vuables taken and women raped and men beaten, for today be talk like a pirate day.

Aren’t pirates just the most wonderful, entertaining, funny characters ever?   They are so romantic and such wonderful stories of freedom on the high seas!

Now it’s well known that ye landlovers love the romantic images of the pirates of the world.   But ye may not exactly know what it’s like bein a pirate.   As a pirate, we spend a good part of time roming and looking for unarmed ships.  Then board them and take the loot.   Generally, we don’t sink ye ship, because that would defeat the purpose, but if the crew resists, we’ll slit a few throats, even if they don’t have much weaponry.   We only care about the booty.

Far this reason we often find ourselves considaaaared non-legitimit by yar treaties of the seas and that’s why any navy is allowed to sink us, cuz we be considered a scum and problem of the sea.   ‘Cept for on occasion when we piratier for the navy of a country, but that be banned now a days.   None the less, we still be around, and now we sometimes will steal ye ship as a whole and toss the crew overboard, that is if we don’t kidnap for randsom and cut off yar ear er something like that.

These days we make our livin off the horn of Africa and thar aboots.   We go through South Asia as well.  Many a hapless cargo captain has fallen to our machine guns.  We don’t generally take ye cargo though, cuz its too big, but we take the personal effects of the crew.   On occasion the whole ship as well.

In some countries they still have laws to hang pirates, because we be hated that much.   That’s how they did it in the old days.  They cut off old blackbeard’s head as a trophy and others were left in ye cages to rot by the sea as a warning.   Yar, we pirates be carying many an STD, because when we come into port we often do spend money on the brothels, not burying it.. well not the booty at least.  That is when we don’t stop in a small port town far some good ole rape and plunder.   (We be covered with lice and infections, which is why we have trouble charming the ladies.)

Yar, Ole Captain Blackbeard Teach used to be known for taking his “wife” whom he charmed out to sea and letting the crew have their way with her, for he killed her that is.  Then there be the torture that pirates would do to crew if they failed to say where the booty was located.   I shall keep that to me self.

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, September 19th, 2007 at 1:09 pm and is filed under Culture, History, Humor. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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