Not to be insensitive to those who suffer from mental illness or anything, but apparently a guy in Pennsylvania has sued Google for five billion dollars in a case which is almost impossible to not laugh at. The man, Dylan Stephen Jayne, is suing Google for providing his personal information online. The suit charges, according to the article that Google has committed: “crimes against humanity,” aiding terrorism, and putting his personal safety at risk.

So how has Google done this? Well, more information can be found here. But basically, Jayne has claimed that the word Google, when turned upsidedown, is actually his social security number, as encoded by a simple cypher. Thus, the very word “Google” is dangerous, because anyone who turns it upside down and cracks the code will have his social security number. The charge states:

“I, Dylan Stephen Jayne, plaintiff, has [sic] a social security number that when the social security number is turned upside down in its entirety it is a scrambled code that does spell the name Google®.”

Mr. Jayne goes on to say that this puts our national security in great risk, because any terrorist organization would love to have his social security number so that it could be used to obtain a passport or to otherwise illegally enter the country and avoid detection.

The claim is five pages long and includes charges against the Pike County Correctional Facility, where Jayne served time in 2004 for resisting arrest. (apparently they somehow are part of the conspiracy.) But my favorite part is how the suit was created: In scribble handwriting. The actual paperwork is laid out in the formal manner customary of this type of court paper, with the header divided by brackets in the center, the title of the suit above, a statement affirming the suit and so on. However, Mr. Jayne did not seem to think it necessary to type the suit up or even use a straight edge, or to even be careful to make his writing semi-straight and parallel.

No offense to those with serious mental illness, but how can this not be funny?

The entire five page “formal” court filing can be read here. And I recommend doing so for a laugh. What I find so funny is that while the complaint is handwritten (poorly) on sheets of unlined paper, without even bring straight and parallel, and containing such strange allegations, Mr Jayne did manage to stick to the conventions for federal court dockets, with the name of the court on top, the parties listed to the left, separated from the case number and a space for the court clerk’s stamp to the right, divided with brackets in the center and followed by the summary of the complaint. He even remembered to note that Google is a registered trademark.

For references, here’s what the layout of a US federal docket is supposed to look like:

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This entry was posted on Monday, September 24th, 2007 at 9:45 am and is filed under Conspiracy Theories, Culture, Humor. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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