Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

Awesome Joke on Fundy Christian

Thursday, January 13th, 2011

Okay okay, this joke is a little mean, but at the same time it’s also devilishly funny. A comment in a previous post made me think of this video I saw a while back.

The “Rapture” is an event which is supposed to happen before the end times, according to some fundamentalist schools of Christianity. It’s not in the Bible, although some believers claim that it can be inferred from various passages take together.

Supposedly before the end times, the true believers will be taken up into heaven. Not just their souls, but bodies too will be beamed up like Scotty does on Star Trek. Curiously, the process does not take clothing with it, but does take the other non-living things on the human body, such as tooth enamel, the outer layer of skin, finger nails an hair. Go figure. (Okay, there are some problems with this, obviously – like does hair also get beamed up off the barber shop floor?)

Despite the nonsensicalness of it all, some people take this all VERY seriously.

I wonder if this prank might actually make the poor girl start to re-examine her beliefs. Probably not.

If Cell Phones Cause Cancer do Neckties Cause Infections?

Saturday, October 9th, 2010

Warning, the following contains logical fallacies:

Via Mercury News:

O’Brien: Why cell phones may be more dangerous than we think
After many years of increasingly erratic behavior, Alan Marks, of Lafayette, suddenly experienced a severe seizure in the middle of the night. His wife, Ellie, called 911 and Marks was rushed to the hospital, where tests revealed a golf-ball-size brain tumor that apparently was the cause of his personality changes.

The Markses had no doubt about what caused the tumor: It was located exactly where he had been pressing a cell phone to his head for almost two decades.

In the two years since that diagnosis, the Markses have joined an international debate over the potential health risks surrounding the low levels of radiation emitted by cell phones. The couple have testified before the U.S. Congress, been interviewed on national television, and they were instrumental in persuading San Francisco to adopt a controversial ordinance that requires mobile phone retailers to display information about the radiation levels of each model.

“I wanted to share my story because I don’t want others to suffer like we have,” Ellie Marks said.

Two years ago I came home from a conference I had attended in Las Vegas feeling rather ill. I hadn’t been feeling my best on the last day of the conference and I felt even worse after the plane trip back. The following day I had a low grade fever and painful swelling in my neck and jaw. I felt achy and tired.

A trip to the doctor revealed that I had a bacterial infection of my lymph nodes. The infection had apparently taken hold in the area around my jaw and neck, where there are many lymph nodes resulting in a fever, soreness and discomfort that made it hard to sleep. By the time I got to the doctor, the irritation to my throat had caused me to cough, making things even worse. I was prescribed antibiotics and began to feel better in a couple of days with full recovery from the symptoms taking a bit more than a week.


Some Great Science Humor From Ireland

Wednesday, September 15th, 2010

The Irish are known for many things, among them is humor.� Maybe it’s just a stereotype and maybe it’s not, but there’s no denying that at least some of the Irish are laugh-out-loud hilarious.

This little spoof in the Irish Times made me laugh out loud:

Why dampness and homeopathy are key dangers in their fields

NEWTON’S OPTIC: RESIDENTS OF Rush, Co Dublin, are right to be concerned by Eirgrid’s proposed new high-voltage underground power cable. But are they also aware of the high-pressure water main running directly beneath the town?

Water poses a variety of serious health risks, especially to children, vulnerable adults and unwanted kittens. It is a known carrier of diseases such as cholera and dysentery, while prolonged exposure can lead to chronic conditions such as trench foot and wrinkly finger.

However, it’s the hydromagnetic fields surrounding high-pressure pipes which are the greatest source of alarm. Hydromagnetic fields are made up of two components – dampness and homeopathy. The effects of a dampness field can be seen and even felt, mainly in bathrooms where the extractor fan has broken, although it’s probably just a blown fuse and you really should have a look at it.

Homeopathic fields are a far more insidious affair. Millions of people believe this powerful force carries the memory of certain molecules into the human body, delivering slight improvement for headaches and itching.

The same principle could easily apply to potentially harmful molecules such as cyanide, ricin or witch hazel.

Countless scientific studies on the safety of hydromagnetic fields have been unable to prove a negative, which in turn proves that science is useless.

Meanwhile, several studies have found a statistical link between human health and being hit with a pipe, which proves that pipes are dangerous.

From there on, it only gets better, so check out the whole thing.

I’d like to have a pint of Guinness with the author. I just hope nobody actually takes it seriously.

Detox that actually works…

Saturday, August 21st, 2010

People seem to forget that there’s actually an easy way to rid your body of toxic substances, metabolic byproducts, pharmaceuticals and other substances.� Foot pad and, herbal remedies and even enemas all claim to do the trick, but there’s a much easier way to get those substances out of your body and restore balance.�� It’s all natural too!

I’ve been thinking it’s about time someone made an ad to promote real natural detox.

Best to just flush it when done though.�� Some quacks actually recommend drinking it (the logic is lost on me, since it’s something your body is trying to get rid of).�� Don’t do that though.� For one thing, it’s just nasty.

“Truther Girls” and Chemtrails – It’s just so lame

Saturday, July 3rd, 2010

Lets face it, the world of conspiracy theories is pretty male dominated.�� Perhaps it’s time that some hip young ladies get out there and show they can be every bit as crazy as men.

Well that’s what truthergirls is all about!�� You might think from the look of this young lady that she’s a smart, well connected, cultured and educated woman.�� After all, she lives in the hip and happening city of Montreal, she speaks at least two languages fluently, drinks boutique-quality coffee, posts on youtube�and she’s fairly attractive.�� These would all seem to indicate a hip young woman of the world.

However, looks can be deceiving and stereotypes are often wrong.�� It turns out, she’s a complete nutball and has about as much going on upstairs as any overweight 40 year old guy who lives in his mother’s basement and wears an aluminum foil hat.

I really wish I could encounter someone like this on the street.� My god, it’s just so lame! Sure, I’ve seen my share of “end is near” guys and religious fanatics handing out signs in Times Square, but never someone quite like this…

There were boobs, but no earthquake

Wednesday, April 28th, 2010

Hooray!� Hooray!�� Why do I feel the need to yell hooray every time there are boobs around?��� And why do some people seem to think they cause earthquakes?

Getting back onto semi-serious topics, you may have already heard of the “boobquake” a skeptical, pro-science, anti-nonsense spoof of an event that demonstrated that boobs are not actually an effective way of triggering seismic activity.

It was one of those rare events (which maybe someday I’ll be lucky enough to trigger) that brought an otherwise relatively obscure blogger to fame overnight.� Jennifer McCreight described herself as a “geeky, perverted atheist feminist” putting her D-cup breasts where her mouth is.” What she was doing to be precise, was wearing some low cut clothing to show off her boobs for a day and encouraging others to.�� The suggestion spawned a Facebook group and drew tens of thousands.


No, Rep Johnson, Guam Will not Capsize

Friday, April 2nd, 2010

This one of the people who was elected by popular vote to represent out interests in the United States House of Representatives…

Well, Representative Hank Johnson, remember, there are no stupid questions, only stupid people. To address your concerns: islands don’t stick out of the water because they’re buoyant. They actually are mounds that go all the way from the ocean floor to the surface. Like all areas of crust, they do, at least to some degree, “float” on the earth’s mantel, but you’d have to put a lot more than a few thousand marines on an area of crust to actually make it subside enough to start to “sink” into the mantel.

And that is why Guam won’t capsize.

Props to the admiral for maintaining a straight face and not making a wise crack. I don’t think I could have done that.

Note: Apparently after this thing getting a great deal of media coverage, Hank Johnson responded that it was a joke. You can judge for yourself, but I don’t see any sarcasm or any joke-like setup (he sounds fairly serious about the size of the island, a lot of setup for a joke) to the question. Johnson has been known to go on some nonsensical ramble-sprees in the past, though none quite this bad.

Doesn’t look like a joke to me, and I certainly would not put it past a politician to actually believe that an island could tip over.

This site will be shutting down

Thursday, April 1st, 2010

I know this might sound like a shock, but I will soon be leaving the blogging world and no longer keep this site online. I feel that this is necessary for personal reasons. It’s not because of spelling errors or because of the cost of hosting, but because I have other things to focus on in my life. I need the time and space to make my transition

Recently, I made the difficult decision to begin the process of becoming a woman. I’ve always felt like a woman trapped inside the body of a man, trapped inside the body of a horse, trapped inside the body of a woman, trapped inside the body of a man. While there’s nothing I can do to completely untrap myself from all the layers of entrapment, I can at least remove one layer. As such, I will be having a sex change operation. Before I can do this, I need to move somewhere that such surgery can be had at bargain basement prices. Thus, I shall soon be bidding my beloved country goodbye and moving to Guatemala to begin the gender reassignment process.

I have struggled with this decision for many years, but last night, as I lay in bed, Jesus came to me in a dream and told me he would still love me no matter what or where I was. Thank you, Jesus. I now know what I must do.

After my transition is complete, I’m not sure what I will do, but tentatively my plans are to return to the United States, to live in the shallow water channels of Florida, where I will become a member of the peaceful community of manatees. Did I mention that somewhere in those layers of entrapment is a manatee? I might have forgotten that. Manatees are also extremely accepting and very peaceful creatures. Best of all, manatees don’t have nuclear arms. You can’t hug your children with nuclear arms! Of course, they also don’t have regular arms either, but they do have flipper-like things that are a bit like arms.

Finally, I just want to wish everyone a blessed April Fools Day.

Lottery: A tax for people who are bad at math

Monday, March 22nd, 2010

What can be said about the lottery? The probability of you winning it is always infinitesimally small. Exactly how small depends on the number of “numbers” used for the ticket and their range. If you buy more than one ticket, it increases, but it remains infinitesimally small unless you buy all or nearly all the possible numbers. Believe it or not, this has been done, and if the jackpot is high enough (as is the case, if it has not been won for several rounds) it is actually possible to get a positive return on it, assuming there are not too many other winners with the same winning number.

However, unless you can manage to buy a significant proportion of all the possible combination, then buying more tickets will just mean you’ve lost more money when you don’t win – which is almost certainly going to be the case.

It really doesn’t matter how you chose the numbers. And yes, there have been some who looked at which numbers come up the most often – nothing statistically significant, I’m afraid, even when it’s done with the ball machines.

But don’t tell that to the lottery guru:

THE LOTTERY GURU! from Everything Is Terrible! on Vimeo.

I wonder how many times he’s won the jackpot. I mean he is the “guru,” right? I’m guessing none, or he wouldn’t be doing this video.

Newly Discovered Photos Of Man Who Helped Establish Modern Neurology

Monday, March 22nd, 2010

No, he wasn’t a doctor, nor a scientist, but a railroad foreman who inadvertently changed the world while packing explosives on a cut in Vermont. � At 25 years old, Phenaeas Gage was working for the Rutland and Burlington Railway in 1848, tamping black powder into drill holes in rock for a new track route.�� The powder exploded and drove the iron rod clear though his skull, from his right cheek, through his eye socket and out his forehead.

Although he lost an eye, Gage remarkably survived the incident.�� He also had lost a large portion of his frontal brain lobe.� Exactly what this did to Gage has not been well documented.� Some accounts have said that it resulted in a man who was unable to control his emotions and could not maintain a job, while others seem to indicate he did fairly well.� Whatever the case, a couple of things are clear:� the injury did dramatically change Gage’s personality, but did not incapacitate him beyond the ability to take care of himself and live a relatively normal life.

Although direct documentation and scientific data about Gage’s incident and subsequent condition is scarce, it did spark a great deal of interest in the human brain, the mind and how the two related.��� The fact that Gage survived yet was clearly different was stunning.

His case, which was known at the time as “The American Crowbar Case” would become one of the most cited cases in early neurology and began the speculation of brain region and function.�� Gage’s case provided direct evidence that different parts of the brain preformed different functions and indicated that the brain could continue to function even with some parts damaged or destroyed.

Gage died only sixteen years later in 1860.� Before his death he had begun to experience severe convulsions.� It’s not entirely clear if these were related to the injury he had sustained years earlier.

Until recently the only known likeness of Gage was his plaster life mask, which, along with his skull, was kept at the Warren Anatomical Museum at Harvard University Medical School.

This all changed last year, when this previously unknown photograph came to light: