Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

25 Reasons not to vaccinate your children

Monday, September 1st, 2014

 Thinking Of Vaccinating your Kids?   Think again.   I’d like to give you some reasons not to

<sarcasm>

1.  You had to go through being sick with Chicken Pox, Measles and other painful and unpleasant conditions.  Why should your kids get off?   Does it seem fair that they don’t suffer when those before did?  I think not!

2.  Not everyone can be protected directly by vaccines.  Some people are immune compromised.  Others have parents who believe it will cause autism.  That makes vaccines elitist.  Do you want to teach your kids elitism?

3.  There is no mercury in vaccines.  Sure, people will try to tell you that you get some free mercury when you get your kid vaccinated, but you don’t.  You’re totally jipped.

4.  In nature humans and pathogens are in a constant struggle to out-evolve and overtake each other.  Vaccines take pathogens and turn them against their own kind by modifying and attenuating them.   It’s like hunting deer with a grenade launcher.   There’s no challenge.  That’s not sporting at all. It’s just not fair.

5.  Vaccines have the potential to condemn vibrant and beautiful species to extinction.  We’ve seen it happen to Small Pox.  Next it will likely be polio, unless someone does something to stop the decimation of these beautiful pathogens.

6.  Vaccination will upset your Scientologist friends.

7.  Vaccines are unnatural.  So are automobiles, central heating and the internet, but who’s counting, right?

8.  You can act all high and mighty about being informed if you don’t vaccinate.

9.  Vaccines protect not only your children but other children… screaming, slobbering, nasty children who deserve to get sick.

10.  Bill Gates promotes vaccines and you don’t like Windows much and find the interface of Mac to be easier to work with and more stable.

11.  Being sick when growing up can be kinda fun.  I mean, as long as you’re not really sick and you get the day off from school.

12. Deep down, you hate humans and want to see an infection win every once in a while.

13.  You don’t understand exactly how vaccines work.  Only scientists and doctors seem to really know the deep down mechanisms.  Would you put something into your kid you are oblivious to?

14.  Should your child become autistic, you’ll at least know it wasn’t the vaccines.

15.  There are likely anti-vaccine groups in your area who through “pox parties” these are delightful social events.

16.  Drug company employees, doctors, nurses and others rely on illness for their livelihood.  If you vaccinate you will surely ruin their careers by taking away the business they need.  Do you really want to do that?

17.  Vaccines are often delivered by needle, which kinda hurts a little.

18.  Jenny McCarthy said not to.  She’s hot.  Granted, she used to be hotter, but still.

19.  All the health authorities say you should vaccinate.  It’s fun to be defiant.

20.  Taking your kid to be vaccinated takes time, like, potentially an hour or so.  That’s time you could be watching TV.

21.  Vaccines contain mercury.  Forget for a second that we already said they don’t.   Mercury -> Freddie Mercury -> Gay.  See the connection?   Mercury will make your kids gay glam rockers.  The science says so!

22.  You didn’t even read all of these, did you?  I bet you didn’t read this.  But hey, there’s 25 reasons here, so that must mean something.

23.  If vaccines stopped disease, why is there still disease?  checkmate.

24.  You are likely already getting all the vaccines you need from chemtrails.  So it seems redundant to have to get more.

25.  Vaccines are just a substitute for keeping your children quarantined.  You separate them from all other humans (and animals and the environment) and vaccines will be unnecessary.

</sarcasm>

One in Three Americans Implanted with RFID’s? Not really

Friday, August 8th, 2014

First, a basic primer on what RFID’s are:

An RFID is a small computer chip which holds a very small amount of information, typically just a string of numbers, letters or other symbols.  The chip has a tiny radio transmitter in it, and when a reader is brought near it, it will broadcast that data so it can be read by the reading device, which contains a radio receiver.

Importantly, RFID’s are not self-powered.  They are far too tiny for any kind of battery capacity.  Instead, the RFID reader energizes the RFID with an electromagnetic field.  When the RFID is placed in the field, it becomes activated and transmits the code it contains.   As a result, RFID’s can’t be read from any substansial distance.   But they can be read even if they are covered, such as if they are on the inside of a box or embedded in an object.

intermec-rfidThey also do not have any actual computing power.  They can’t receive GPS signals or transmit data, because they lack sensors and receivers.  They simply spit out their internal code when energized.

RFID’s are therefore analogous to bar codes.  The major difference is that a barcode needs to be visible, on the outside of an item and reading it requires finding it and directing a scanner at it.  RFID’s have the advantage of working when obscured and of being readable by running the reader over an item, even if the exact location of the RFID is unknown.   They can therefore be used to inventory merchandise while it is still on the shelf or to track multiple items as they move through a system.  They can also be embedded in things like credit cards or security passes, allowing them to be used by just holding them near a reader.

VeriChip_Corp-fingerRFID’s can also be implanted.  A typical RFID implant is about the size and shape of a grain of rice.  It contains the chip inside a biologically inert material which is shaped to allow it to be inserted through a very small incision or even injected with a thick needle.  A few individuals have chosen to have an RFID implanted as a way of accessing secure systems.  This works a lot like biometrics, but may be more robust.  When implanted with an RFID, an individual can do things like open locks and sign onto secure computers by just waving their hand infr0nt of a reader.  (Presuming, of course, that their hand is where it is implanted.)

This is rare, however.  Only a few people have RFID’s in their body and it’s largely just a way of being a super early-adopted.  It will earn you some definite nerd points.

Implantable RFID’s are common for pets, however.  The RFID acts as a tag that cannot be easily removed or lost.  Once implanted, the pet can be tracked back to its owner if it ever gets lost and is picked up by an animal shelter.  Animal shelters typically have RFID readers on site and will scan a dog or cat when they are found without identification.  If the animal has an RFID, then the unique code it carries is displayed on the reader.  This code can be used to find the owners in a database.

But what about mass implantation in people without their consent?

This is a common thread in conspiracy theories.  Some have claimed that the government (or some other evil organization) is planning on or has already begun putting RFID’s in the bodies of unsuspecting citizens.  Allegedly this is to track their movements and keep tabs on them.  Others claim it is part of a mind-control system.

Of course, despite claims that they can be used for realtime tracking, an RFID cannot be used for this at all.  As mentioned, it is only energized when it comes in close proximity to the receiver.  It could, however, be used to identify individuals when they entered certain areas which are equipped with readers for the RFID’s.

Arguably this could be done without RFID readers at all.  A simple fingerprint scanner and identify and individual from a database of fingerprints.  However, RFID’s would have the advantage of allowing it to be done more covertly, perhaps without the subjects knowledge.

There is no evidence that this has ever been done, however… or is there?

Via National Report:

Study Finds 1 in 3 Americans Have Been Implanted With RFID Chips: Most Unaware
Scientists at the Wyoming Institute of Technology (WIT) have determined that a shocking 1 in 3 Americans has been implanted with an RFID microchip. In an article published this week, they detail a study of nearly 3000 individuals, in which they identified nearly 1000 individuals that had been implanted with an RFID chip. Most were unaware that they had been implanted with such a chip. This finding comes amongst increasing predictions that RFID chip implantation will become common place in the next decade.

Lead scientist on the study, John Brugle, Ph.D. offered the following:

We were motivated to perform this study by all of the public interest in RFID implantation and fears that it would be common place. It turns out, in fact, that it is already common place. We found that a shockingly high number of Americans are carrying RFID implants in their body. The overwhelming majority of these individuals were completely unaware that they had been implanted. I hope that this study causes us to take pause as a society and truly consider the ramifications and implications of human RFID implantation.

The study looked both at the prevalence of RFID implantation, as well as the common implantation locations. In addition to commonly known implantation sites, such as the back of the hand, they also identified many RFID chips that had been implanted in dental fillings. The function of the chips varied, but the authors of the study indicated that many revealed personal identities, including social security numbers, as well as medical records. The best way to determine if you have been implanted with an RFID chip is to consult a qualified medical professional to administer a full body scan with an RFID reader. Concerned citizens can also attempt a self scan, but civilian grade scanners are not always sensitive enough to detect implanted RFID chips.

 

Sounds scary! Especially considering that they have some kind of amazing and previously unknown type of RFID that requires an ultra-sensitive scanner that you and I can’t get our hands on. It begs the question of what their plans are and who is doing it.

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New and Revolutionary Perpetual Motion/Free Energy Machine!

Monday, August 4th, 2014

Watch the whole thing before commenting…



Click here if your browser does not support embedded video

They do a great job of making the first part seem like a real perpetual motion claim. I found it pretty damn funny, especially the very end.

The sad thing is it makes as much senses as most free energy claims.

High School Chemistry Demonstration Gone Wroing

Tuesday, May 21st, 2013

One of the great benefits of the proliferation of cameras on phones and devices is that so many wonderful events of every day life are not captured and uploaded to the internet.

Here’s a great one from a high school chemistry class.

Now I’m all for hands-on learning, because it shows how science can be fun and helps demonstrate basic principles.   I’m not sure exactly what they are demonstrating here, but I’m guessing that it’s the fact that methane gas, the primary component of natural gas is both lighter than air and flammable.

What could possibly go wrong?    My first concern would be that they could inadvertently set fire to the ceiling.   Hanging ceiling tiles are supposed to be fire resistant, but that only means they will usually char slowly and self-extinguish.  They can still, under the right conditions, catch fire, and there are exampled of hanging ceilings that, for whatever reason, did not seem to meet the standards for fire resistance.   Hence, given the low elevation of the ceiling and the potential to start a fire, I would not consider this an entirely safe demonstration.

Thankfully, that did not happen.   However, something even funnier did…


I have no idea whether the teacher kept his job. My guess would be that he did, since teachers unions tend to be quite protective and he didn’t seem to have done anything overtly indefensible. (like an inappropriate relationship with a student or stealing from the school) But regardless, it’s pretty certain that he had some real egg on his face after this, and that by the time they got to the valve to shut down the sprinklers, there was a pretty huge mess to clean up and some substantial water damage.

One should remember that as far as chemistry demonstration mishaps go, many have gone far worse than this one!

The One True Religion: The Church of Aircraft

Thursday, November 15th, 2012

Many people around the world seek a spiritual life that will be fulfilling and guide them through life.  Religion has filled this need for centuries, but today religion often conflicts with what we see around us.  As best we can tell, none of the traditional religions seem to be factually true and the beliefs are often in conflict with the world we see.

A few churches have attempted to base their theology on reason, but only one can claim to be factually true. That is why I am not a promoter of the one true religion. This the Church of Aircraft.

I cannot claim to be the first to come up with the idea of worshiping aircraft, as others have before, many in remote parts of the world. Indeed, aircraft worship seems to have developed independently on several Pacific islands and may be practiced by tribes in other parts of the world as well.

Now I hope to be the one to bring the good news of the aircraft mainstream!  I hope you will join me in worshiping at the Church of the Aircraft, where we value evidence and truth in a way that no other religion does.

What makes this religion better than others?   We claim only one thing: that our belief system is more objectively and factually correct than any other religion.

Please judge our claims for yourself.  They are listed as they correspond to others, with ours being on the right and the claims of other mainstream religions on the left.  When you are done, ask your self which one you find to be more believable and true.

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28 Years Since the Best Today Show Interview Ever

Monday, November 12th, 2012

What more is there to add to this?   It’s via Gawker.   I really think the woman thinks she is being serious and people are really believing her.



A history of Mass Hysteria

Monday, February 6th, 2012

Sorry for the lack of posts recently, but I’ve been extremely busy.
If you’re looking for something worth reading on the subject of science, medicine and public understanding (or ignorance) and how this can manifest itself, check out Strange History: Mass Hysteria Through the Years.

It’s a rundown of some of the more interesting incidents of mass hysteria, where numerous people began to manifest symptoms based entirely on their belief that something existed when it didn’t. It’s actually more common than one might think. History is littered with examples of whole populations erupting in uncontrollable laughter, people believing they could not breathe and thus passing out, men panicking that their penises were retracting into their bodies or the female equivalent, where women believe their reproductive tracts are closing up. In some cases, individuals have injured themselves in an attempt to stop the fictional condition from progressing.

Never put 100% trust in anyone, not even yourself!

Man Arrested At CERN: Claims to be from the future

Wednesday, November 30th, 2011

CRAP THIS WAS ACTUALLY AN APRIL FOOLS JOKE OOPS!

Some news stories you really can’t make up. Perhaps it’s a little bit off color to chuckle at a story about someone who is very likely mentally ill, but in some cases it’s hard not to.

For that matter, I suppose we could also at least consider that this might be true.

Apparently, a man from the future has come back to the present day (or so he says) to stop the LHC from discovering the Higgs boson, which would lead to some as yet unknown source of limitless energy for humanity. While this sounds like a good thing, he explained that this ultimately was the undoing of society and therefore he was there to stop it. Tragically, he made the mistake of forgetting to fill the tanks on his time machine with whatever fuel it uses, and it now seems he might be trapped in the present, which to him, is the past.

Via Cnet:

Man arrested at Large Hadron Collider claims he’s from the future

A would-be saboteur arrested today at the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland made the bizarre claim that he was from the future. Eloi Cole, a strangely dressed young man, said that he had travelled back in time to prevent the LHC from destroying the world.

The LHC successfully collided particles at record force earlier this week, a milestone Mr Cole was attempting to disrupt by stopping supplies of Mountain Dew to the experiment’s vending machines. He also claimed responsibility for the infamous baguette sabotage in November last year.

Mr Cole was seized by Swiss police after CERN security guards spotted him rooting around in bins. He explained that he was looking for fuel for his ‘time machine power unit’, a device that resembled a kitchen blender.

Police said Mr Cole, who was wearing a bow tie and rather too much tweed for his age, would not reveal his country of origin. “Countries do not exist where I am from. The discovery of the Higgs boson led to limitless power, the elimination of poverty and Kit-Kats for everyone. It is a communist chocolate hellhole and I’m here to stop it ever happening.”

This isn’t the first time time-travel has been blamed for mishaps at the LHC. Last year, the Japanese physicist Masao Ninomiya and Danish string-theory pioneer Holger Bech Nielsen put forward the hypothesis that the Higgs boson was so “abhorrent” that it somehow caused a ripple in time that prevented its own discovery.

Professor Brian Cox, a CERN physicist and full-time rock’n'roll TV scientist, was sympathetic to Mr Cole. “Bless him, he sounds harmless enough. At least he didn’t mention bloody black holes.”

Mr Cole was taken to a secure mental health facility in Geneva but later disappeared from his cell. Police are baffled, but not that bothered.

Unfortunately Mr. Cole apparently did not take into consideration some important factors that really all time travelers should consider.

1. Always bring enough fuel. (Although I thought he was from a future of limitless energy.. oh well). In fact, you should bring more fuel than you think you’ll need, because you never know when you’ll make a wrong turn or you’ll have to go back to the past yet again, because for all you know, Biff Tannen might have stolen the sports almanac and stopped your parents from falling in love at the dance, and then what are you to do? You can’t just rely on an opportune bolt of lightning, because lightning doesn’t even provide a huge amount of energy, contrary to popular belief.

Remember to bring both kinds of fuel that you will need. Sure, the time circuits may be electric, but what about the internal combustion engine? That runs on regular unleaded and always has. You can’t always find that.

Also keep in mind that 1.21 gigawatts is not actually an amount of energy at all. It’s an amount of power, which means a reasonably large capacitor bank can provide it, but only for a brief period of time. If you need it for longer, it’s still not impossibly high. Any large power plant should be able to output it. I never really figured out the whole “1.21 gigawatt” thing, but the best I can think of is it might be the amount of power continuously needed to travel a given amount of time. For example, time traveling a year means you need 1.21 gigawatts times one year for the total energy. That would seem to work, but then again, a lightning bolt would still never be enough.

So in any case, choose your fuel well and bring plenty of it. You don’t want to rely on lightning or hijacked locomotives.

2. To be perfectly honest, don’t expect to return to the future you left and have it look anything like you expected or have a place for you. If you change anything, even slightly, those changes will propagate. If that happens your great great grandparents may not meet or may not marry and procreate. And just having your parents meet is not good enough. You can’t just set them back up if you mess up their meeting. Everything has to be identical, which it never will be. If they mate at a slightly different time or if the temperature is different by a fraction of a degree or anything like that, a different sperm will fertilize the egg and the resulting offspring won’t be you. This goes for all generations all the way back to where you have traveled.

So in all likelihood, just stepping into the past will result in a different time stream that you will return to in which you never existed. You could go back to 1890, for example, and just by swatting a fly, you end up stopping World War I and World War II from happening. That might seem like a good idea, until you realize that it prevents a guy from dying who then goes on to marry your grandmother, thus avoiding the marriage of her and your grandfather and now you don’t exist.

Or even if you did exist, you will find that you had not traveled back in time because you had no reason to, thus when you return, you will find yourself and have a real identity crisis.

You might be better off not going back but sending some kind of terminator unit. The terminator could be made of living tissue around a metallic framework or out of some kind of shape-shifting metal. It’s up to you. The only problem is it probably won’t change your present because it gets inserted into an alternate reality. Really, you just can’t win at this.

3. You have all the time in the world. Plan well. Don’t just show up at the LHC with no idea how to stop it. Bring weapons or something. Flesh out a response plan and run it by a couple of your friends for input. Consider what could go wrong. Take the tools you might need. Brush up on your period lingo and customs in case you had to blend in. Just be sure not to mess up.

You only get one shot at this… well, actually, I suppose you can do it as many times as you want, but then you really start to make things messy and complicated. You can encounter yourself on one of your aborted missions, for example. It’s just best to avoid such problems.

4. Consider *when* you want to go back to. Is this really the best time? Why wait until the LHC is constructed and operational? You can go back a little further and it might be easier to stop it during construction. Perhaps you could somehow disrupt the funding for it or sabotage the construction. OR, you could try to stop an earlier accelerator from being built, which would stop the discoveries that would lead to the creation of the LHC.

5. Remember there are alternate possibilities. Don’t focus too much on one issue when it will likely spawn others. Sure, you could shut down the LHC, but what will that do? Some other accelerator will eventually be built and make the horrible discovery. You need to think big and stop all particle physics.

6. If you are going to resort to telling people not to do it, make sure you are believable. It’s not a terribly bad plan to just be honest and tell the world that you are from the future and stopping a horrible mistake. If you can get the governments of the world to listen, that might be the best way of actually stopping the project, but you really need to make it clear you are from the future, so bring some future stuff to show everyone. Since you will be coming from the future, you’ll be able to choose the most opportune time to make a big splash. You might want to pick a time when the news cycle is slow and when you can grab some media attention to warn the world before the government tries to stop you.

Of course, as long as you’re well prepared, the government shouldn’t be a problem. They’ll have no way of stopping you with the crazy ray guns and telliportation devices you’ll have on you, so be sure to be well equipped to prove you’re from the future and that you are serious.

7. Why not mix business with personal time travel? We don’t get many visitors from the future, so it’s obviously fairly expensive or difficult to do, so use the trip wisely. Once you’ve stopped the LHC, why not invest some money in a stock that you know is going through the roof or at least put it in an interest-bearing account. Stop by some of the scenes of the past before they’re gone and enjoy the quaintness of 21st century culture. Maybe grab a few interesting photos, like giving the future president of the world a wedgie while he’s still eight years old. Now that’d be something cool to show your friends!

8. Consider doing something nice. After all, you’re messing up the time stream as is, so you may as well stop 9/11 or warn the Japanese about the 2011 earthquake or the Indian Ocean region about the 2004 tsunami. At the very least look up some people who died of cancer and tell them they have it while it’s still treatable.

You don’t have to do this, but since you’re messing up the time stream, it just seems like you’d be a dick not to.

It could also help with your image, which might be hurt pretty badly if you happen to do something like destroy the LHC. If you destroy the LHC, you’ll go down in history as the guy who destroyed the LHC, and when you return to your day and age they might not think you’re a hero, because they won’t be aware of the problems the LHC caused.

On the other hand, if you evacuate the Indian coast before the Tsunami and then destroy the LHC, there’s a pretty good chance you’ll be remembered well just the same.

How To Deal With Radioactive Cars

Tuesday, June 21st, 2011

It seems now Australia is in on the action, after South Korea, Russia and a few others stated that they would preform “tests for radiation” on major imports from Japan such as automobiles.
Via Fox News:

SYDNEY — A boatload of 800 cars arriving Down Under from Japan will be tested for radiation by Australia’s nuclear watchdog after other Japanese vehicles were found to be radioactive, The (Sydney) Daily Telegraph reported Tuesday.

The move is the first Australian test of non-food exports from the fallout-ravaged Asian nation, and marks a turnaround in position for the Australian Radiation Protection and Nuclear Safety Agency (ARPANSA).

Officials from ARPANSA will board the cargo ship Trans Future 7 when it docks at Port Kembla, south of Sydney, on Thursday, after picking up 700 Toyotas and 100 other cars from the Japanese port of Yokohama.

Thirty of those vehicles are used cars, which the maritime union fears could have been in areas affected by the March 11 earthquake and tsunami that damaged nuclear reactors along the Japanese east coast.

The officials will use hand-held radiation detectors and will also take surface samples from spots where people in Japan could have touched the vehicles.

Previously, the agency had said such tests were unnecessary. However, after intense pressure from dock workers and the discovery in Chile of low levels of radioactivity in cars shipped from Yokohama, ARPANSA said it will conduct the tests to reassure stevedores.

The Maritime Union of Australia said the decision was a win for both workers and the general public.

Well, it sure seems clear to me that this is not just a case of dock workers who know nothing about radiation pressuring the government to do silly and unnecessary tests.

As such, I am offering my services in this area. If any radiation is detected anywhere near the vicinity of a brand new car, I will accept the responsibility for properly disposing of said vehicle. I will do so free of charge, except, of course, for the cost of shipping the car to me. Once I have received the car I can assure any party that sends it that it will not pose a radiological hazard to anyone. It will be dealt with accordingly.

Please note: I am especially experienced in the radiological remediation and disposal of high end and luxury vehicles. It should be noted that vehicles which contain materials such as top grain leather or have large high-performance engines could pose a special challenge – one which I am more than willing to take on.

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Awesome Joke on Fundy Christian

Thursday, January 13th, 2011

Okay okay, this joke is a little mean, but at the same time it’s also devilishly funny. A comment in a previous post made me think of this video I saw a while back.

The “Rapture” is an event which is supposed to happen before the end times, according to some fundamentalist schools of Christianity. It’s not in the Bible, although some believers claim that it can be inferred from various passages take together.

Supposedly before the end times, the true believers will be taken up into heaven. Not just their souls, but bodies too will be beamed up like Scotty does on Star Trek. Curiously, the process does not take clothing with it, but does take the other non-living things on the human body, such as tooth enamel, the outer layer of skin, finger nails an hair. Go figure. (Okay, there are some problems with this, obviously – like does hair also get beamed up off the barber shop floor?)

Despite the nonsensicalness of it all, some people take this all VERY seriously.


I wonder if this prank might actually make the poor girl start to re-examine her beliefs. Probably not.